From The Archives: All of Midwest Railroad Tracks Breaking Apart, Blame the Asians

While searching through old boxes in an attic of a house he broke into, Chad White discovered something extraordinary: newspaper clippings from the before 1950. It is a well-known fact that there was a huge fire in the early 50’s that destroyed many news outlets and their works. Chad has found history and he wants to share it with all of you.

Dick Whitman, 1941

                SMALLINGTON, KANSAS - News spread yesterday of the railroad that runs across our great United States coming apart in many places.

                This is no surprise seeing as how they build subpar quality shoes. The railroad was first noticed to be breaking apart in Kansas. Tom Smith is a resident of Smallington, Kansas.

                “I was just tending to my crops with my negro farmhand, Franco. We was messing with the turnips ‘cause you know them turnips turn tough when you leave them in the soil fer ta long” said Smith as he spit some chewing tobacco out.

                The railroad is about two miles from his home. He showed me the area where the entire ordeal began. It passes right through his plot of land where he grew up. He was able to see the Chinese build the track.

                “Yeah, we use ta just sit here with some waters and watch them work; I always wondered how they saw anything without eyes.”

                Smith led me to the piece of track that broke off. A large piece of the metal beam that the trains’ wheels are supposed to ride on was warped. Three wooden stakes were strewn about the ground. Those Chinese couldn’t even manage to bang a stake in fully.

                If you don’t know much about the Asians, you’re not missing much. They are believed to have yellow skin though no one can tell because they wear large robes. Their teeth are comically large and buck toothed. The men all have long ponytails and the women wear tiny shoes.