The Doo-Doo Bandit Part Deux, Part 1

The Doo-Doo Bandit Part Deux, Part 1

A Story By Rick Boykin


            Roswell natives will undoubtedly be familiar with the Doo-Doo Bandit, the notorious vandal who ravaged countless lavatories throughout his stint at Roswell High School. This individual has etched himself into fable, taking many shapes and sizes. Few have ever seen this troubled youth, but we Roswellians all know his story.

            He comes from a troubled household, having endured his father’s incarceration and his mother’s painful addiction to spice, a synthetic weed substitute common to the suburbs. This would lead him to a wave of graffiti inspired feces crime in 2009-2010. Smeared mirrors, stained toilet seats, sink cakes, and mud painted walls were all devices by which this scoundrel struck.

            One student is said to have witnessed the Doo-Doo Bandit exiting a crime scene, a one Mr. Aaron Frontera. However, due to the fact that Mr. Frontera is a well-known bull-shitter, we’ve chosen to ignore his testimony.

            While we may never know his identity, the Doo-Doo Bandit’s impact is still felt to this day. Only recently have I become aware of an epidemic, which likely stems from the reign of the Doo-Doo Bandit. Toilet based communication, consisting of on-the-crapper phone calls and, of course, dropping-a-deuce texts, have become rampant. No longer will I allow myself to be the victim of such heinous acts, and as such a “Don’t Text and Poop” campaign has been launched.

            If you, or anyone you know has been the victim of poop texts or poop calls, I urge you to hit the like button below and help put an end to Toileting (Toilet Messaging).

Read part 2 here.