Chad White, Watches TV, So You Don’t Have To
CHAPPEL HILL, NORTH CAROLINA – That couple you know dropped cable four years ago and keeps bringing it up in every conversation.
Niles Franklin and Cindy Terrapin haven’t watched live TV in months because of the prevalent options of video on demand.
“I mean, there’s no point in paying for a service I would barley use” said Franklin “I just watched all of Game of Thrones after buying it on iTunes. Who needs HBO?”
Those pricks continue to rub their savings in your face but you don’t give a shit. You think they’re annoying and only hang out with them because of that huge TV they have. It’s actually kind of a waste.
“Today, we’re marathoning New Girl and tomorrow we’ll probably watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” said Terrapin, whose idea it was to drop cable “There are just so many options to watch TV without a provider. Why would we want to pay for it?”
As much as you hate her, she is right. Those options include Netflix, Hulu Plus, Amazon Prime among some other ones that are pretty stupid. Those assholes haven’t seen a commercial in years.
“And we just don’t have the time to watch too much TV anymore. We’re doing couples yoga” said Franklin whose stupid face you want to punch.
At press time, the couple is currently binge watching Aaron Sorkin’s canceled sports news sitcom Sport Night.