I consider myself a big fan of the NBA.
I like the letters “n,” “b,” and “a.” But I also love the high scoring, and amazing feats of athleticism that is displayed during a game. There is, however, an aspect of the game I do not enjoy: flopping.
Flopping has become out of control recently in the NBA and it needs to stop. It makes the players and the game both look silly, plus it’s a cheap way to get some easy foul shots. I think I have found the perfect solution to stop flopping for good. The NBA needs to stop making free throws “free”. They need to start charging players to use the free throw line. I suggest putting in a tollbooth. After someone is fouled, the home teams mascot comes running out of the stands with a tollbooth and charges the players $20,000 for the two shots. Now, you may be shouting to yourself “Steven, that’s stupid! Players don’t bring money out onto the court. How could they pay the mascot?” And to that I would say “Shut up Denzel Washington, and let me finish.” The mascot would come out to the court with a check ready to be signed by the player.
Now let’s say you are a general manager of a team. If you’re a smart business man, you would have your team foul the richest guy on the other team as much as possible so you could rack in some fat cash at the end of the game.
I think this really could see an end to flopping. Think about it; players won’t want to keep shelling out money just to shoot some free throws. In turn, they would become less inclined to flop. Now, this may also increase the number of athletes who go broke. But who cares! That’s part of the fun! For example, if a low level player ends up getting fouled a lot throughout the course of a season and runs out of money, he would have to file for free throw line bankruptcy! Such an instance would then be followed up by free throw line court. This is where the mascot plays the part of the judge and the player would get a free throw line lawyer that can either be a clown, a cheerleader, or Peter Dinklage. And after that happens the mascot would throw a pie at him, he would have to leave the game, sell his house, get divorced, and eventually become a depressed middle school PE teacher. Family fun at its finest!
So, if you’re reading this Adam Silver. First, thanks a lot for reading my article I really appreciate it! And I really do enjoy your bald head. Anyway, please consider adopting my proposal for ending flopping; I think it would improve the game drastically and would make you and your awesome bald head a lot more of cash.
Steven Peeler is a 19 years old from Portland, Oregon. He enjoys washed up country singers, old VHS tapes, and the number 78. Follow him on Twitter.