From The Archives: Negros Running Rampant Throughout the City

While searching through old boxes in an attic of a house he broke into, Chad White discovered something extraordinary: newspaper clippings from the before 1950. It is a well-known fact that there was a huge fire in the early 50’s that destroyed many news outlets and their works. Chad has found history and he wants to share it with all of you.


Dan Smithson, 1954

                NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - Hello my fellow New Yorkers. I’m writing this to talk to you about a serious problem plaguing our fair city: the amount of Negroes walking around.

                How dare they think they can use our sidewalks built for only the purest of white feet. We need to teach them some manners. I miss the days when there used to be only four Negroes allowed in the street at once. And even then we would try to run them over with our motorcars.

                I, for one, have had it with those [racial slur]. Goddamn [racial slur]’s. Bunch of no good [racial slur]’s.

                Here’s the plan, I suggest that we get the Asians and the Negroes in one part of the city. Just give it to them. That way we won’t have to deal with them all the time. They wouldn’t know what to do with an entire section of New York all for themselves. Eventually, they’ll just die off like the dodo birds. We’ll give them Harlem where they can play sports and shoot each other while eating chicken all day. And since those slanty eyed people are so small, we’ll give them a tiny section and call it Little China. That’s where they’ll make all of our shoes and takeout food.

                We need to get these things under control. There will be a formation of a new group in the city called the Coalition of Retaliation against Coloreds and Kooks Egregiously Revealing Synergy. CRAKCERS will meet on Tuesdays following The Ed Sullivan Show.